Excellent start to the paper. You are definitely on the right track and have a good topic selected. You have some good critique dialog present. Introducing more depth in your critique and analysis will help.

There are two main issues you should focus on as you improve this paper. Start synthesizing the research studies in a more holistic way, by comparing and contrasting the studies in a continuous flow of analysis. You've started to do this in some of the latter paragraphs, but it should be more like this throughout. To do this, avoid addressing Study A then moving to Study B, etc. Focus on topics and address multiple studies in that context.

Also, a minor note is to avoid referring to them as "The first study" but instead just use the authors names (in APA format) to refer to the study.

Work on improving the grammar in the future drafts. You have some good formal writing going, so continue with that style. However, some of the issues have to do with the flow of the dialog and having a lot of sentences that start with "the" or "they."