Discussion
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Comments
Good start to the paper. Most of the writing should be your interpretation and analysis of the research, so avoid making the study summaries too long. You haven't provided much dialog like this in the draft.
In future drafts you will want to start synthesizing the research studies in a more holistic way, by comparing and contrasting the studies in a continuous flow of analysis.
Make sure you're exhausting all of the databases as you search this topic, because I suspect you might need to narrow it down a bit more so that you cover all of the research on your topic (and not have too many studies to review).
You need some citations to support the facts in the introduction.
Overall, this is a good topic and you have some research studies selected that should be good for a review.
You have the elements and concepts of a good paper, but more depth and cohesiveness is needed in the dialog. Plus, you have a few more studies to review. By cohesiveness, I am referring to making a more intimate connection between the studies in your discussion. Basically, include more comparison and contrast of multiple studies; also, draw conclusions based on these.
An abstract is needed.
I'm a bit concerned that your topic might be too broad still, and there are many studies not included in this review. Can your redefine the topic so that it is even more specific to just the studies you have?
One of the major improvements you can make beyond this, is to focus on the grammar. Work on making the dialog read less like a verbal conversation and more like academic prose. A simple step is to eliminate the first and second person pronouns you have.
Format: The paper needs format improvement. The APA referencing format looks fairly good, although there are some minor mistakes on some of the in-text citations and on the reference list.